Hi! This is doctor Anthony Kane from the Complete Connection Parenting Program with another parenting tip for you. This tip is something that parents commonly do wrong with ODD children, and of all, the appeal to reason. What that means is basically you appeal to your child to be reasonable. Here is where that doesn't work. I will give you an example.
Let's say for example you have got a child named Brad and Brad is 13-years-old. Now, Brad happens to like orange juice and at the breakfast table, he fills his cup to the top and spills the orange juice over. I know, you don't like that. It's a wasteful thing, and it bothers you, it bothers me. And what you will do is you'll say Brad, 'Have a Look, Brad, look, you know, you can take more juice. Just don't fill the cup to the top so you don't spill it.
Now what was Brad thinking? Well, maybe he was thinking he likes the feeling of abundance, having a full cup of orange juice. Maybe he was thinking that if he doesn't take it all now, he won't get later. Maybe he was thinking that he wants to fill the cup up and get as much as he can, but he probably wasn't thinking he wants to bother you.
So, what have you done here? What you've done is taught your son, Brad, the 13-year-old child, that he can get to you and bother you by spilling his orange juice by filling his cup to the top. That bothers you. So, what's going to happen?For most children, well probably, that would be enough, they won't do it again, or they'll forget and do it from time to time. But Brad is an ODD child, a defiant child, and they work a little differently.
So sometimes Brad, as soon as he was 13-years-old, he's going to think, when he was 8-years-old, he remembers that you refused to give him eight pieces of cake to celebrate his eighth birthday, and that's going to bother him now. So what's he going do? He's going to say, 'Mom, please pass the orange juice.' He will then fill his cup and that's when he's going to get back at you. Because what happened was, it didn't bother you now, but now he knows that you taught him, you taught it bothers you.
And for ODD children, that's ammunition for them. Now I must say that it's a better for sure for your children, you should try, and you can see if it works, but if you find that you are trying to appeal the child's reason -- to be reasonable, and your child responds by doing it anyway, it's because you gave him fuel to get back at you because ODD children will use against you.
This is another parenting mistake that parents make commonly, and you should be aware of the possibility with your child. This is Dr. Anthony Kane again, from the CC Parenting Program, a complete collection of parenting program. If you'd like more parenting tips, please go to our Website at ccparenting.com and sign-up for our free newsletter.
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