Hi, this is Francisco Bujan, from vitalcoaching.com and we are talking about waking up your power and the topic for this video is learn to say “NO”
This is one of the biggest targets that we have when we have coaching sessions. I mean many people come to coaching, hire me for a few sessions and this is the one of the topics we will focus on very frequently. It has to do with boundaries, protecting your personal space, protecting your life and making sure that the target you focus on are your targets. It is not on somebody has two targets or somebody has its agenda.
And the learning to saying ‘no’ to people is one of the key skills that you have to start applying in your life if you want to protect your space and focus more in your self rather than in other people’s needs, desire and demands.
Why do you want to that? Well precisely, because when you fell drained, or you feel tired or you feel that you are not being productive in your life. Not productive enough or effective enough, it has very often to do with the paradox; your mind and your energy gets distracted. It gets invested in to directions which are not really productive for you.
Let us take an example points, if you go to work and if you work with an organization and you arrived to work and you have to think what you are supposed to be doing and a colleague comes into your office, went to your space and start talking about their weekend, what they did or emotional issues that you might be facing in. Maybe they had a problem with their in-law or a partner—this type controlling over that.
What happens next, you start actually investing your energy in to them, you start feeding their world. The truth is that, that is not really what you paid for. When you go to work, you are afraid of losing a job so you work and if got to try investing in to that person, he is going to be draining your energy.
So, after one hour in chatting and talking, they feed all pumped up because they unloaded all that on you. Now you have to deal with that and we focus on your working. Sometimes you are drained and you fell like you are very low on energy after being on conversation with a friend or with a colleague.
So, how do you stop that? You must learn to say “no”, when this person comes in you say, “Hang on, today is not a good time, maybe we can have a drink later and maybe we can talk about this another time, but right now, I have to work”.
So, that is the only way to say “no”. Of course you did not say, “No”, you are more settled in that right? You said, “I cannot help you right now, I need to focus on work” and said, “ I need to finish this project by 12 o’clock and the boss is coming to check it so, I have to work on this”.
Okay, that is one way of saying it. This thing can happen later and once you are back home, it is 8 o’clock in the evening, you want to relax and somebody calls—or it is somebody from your family maybe who needs to unload some tension they are having in their life and that is not the right thing to do, that is not the right time. You want some space for yourself or maybe for your families or for your kids, you do not want to be dealing with somebody as if she is right now.
So you just say— “I would love to help you but why would not we have a chat or conversation or a drink on Saturday or maybe later” or, “Why would you not call this person, I am sure she can help you, she would be more able to help than my son, right now I am a bit at lost with that because we have been talking specific issue for the last months and nothing seems to really progress so, I think you better look for someone else”.
Now when you say that and yes—sometimes people will get offended right? Sometimes they will say— “I thought we were friends, I thought that I wanted for you to help, I think that you are really selfish and you reject me like that”. And yes, sometimes it will happen. Sometimes putting boundaries and protecting your life is going to offend certain people but guess what, all they are saying is that they come first and they want you to give them attention so, it is always a battle of power, it is a battle of energy.
And if you feel right now that you are not using your energy wisely, it is your trust, it is your rule to protect and re-conquer your energy. Your energy belongs to you and it does not belong to somebody else so, you are the one who chooses how you get it.
And if somebody cannot take it, it means that they are not really respecting you. They are not really respectful with your own freedom.
I hope this makes sense, take care and have a great day, bye.
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