Stacie Cockrell: See you have the list of stuffs you can easily divvy up. But then there is the bottom part of the list of all the activities that are not that fun, that we have to have a major negotiation about.
Daddy Clay: Those are all women things I noticed that's a really better.
Cathy O'Neill: Do you think we have an age ability to put the trash out an age ability to empty a cat's litter box.
Daddy Clay: Women love that stuff. And we are back in the lounge continuing our conversation with Stacie Cockrell, Cathy O'Neill, authors of Babyproofing Your Marriage. We will continuing our conversation about the difficulties of living in a fifty fifty parenting marriage environment. And I guess our question is are in ambition now is to achieve the ideal of fifty fifty.
Daddy Brad: Right
Daddy Clay: What are they, what's the best way, what's the goal. We agreed that's a fair goal.
Daddy Brad: And I think the reality in some household.
Stacie Cockrell: Some two.
Cathy O'Neill: That's what we have heard allegedly.
Stacie Cockrell: It isn't mine, it took some work.
Daddy Clay: That's the idea, we all agree that that's the idea, it's difficult given sort of the changes in general and all the difficulties we have already talked about, it's a hard idea to achieve. So what are the best ways that we can all employ to get to fifty fifty because I need that.
Daddy Brad: Well yes, I think you need to figure out what each participant is doing.
Stacie Cockrell: The first thing you need to do is make an everything list, everything from earning a pay cheque to mopping the floors to taking kids to the birthday parties, to buying your mother-in-law a birthday gift. I mean everything you do.
Cathy O'Neill: Dry cleaning, figuring out where you are going to send them to school, figuring out family vacations, Christmas gifts. I mean we could suggest as an experiment and just list everything.
Stacie Cockrell: But most people don't do that.
Daddy Clay: Do you put in making a list on the list of things that you do?
Cathy O'Neill: Yes, it helps.
Stacie Cockrell: The number one thing you do. You make a list.
Daddy Clay: Okay, so this makes perfect sense to me. You are going to try and catalog in an inventory of every task that you are doing in a given week or a given month in the house.
Stacie Cockrell: Yes, because most people don't even know the work that's in front of them. It's astounding and every one is just reacting all day and you get into these score keeping arguments. Of all I like is just, I just empty the trash or well I just did the dishes, do you want a gold star?
Daddy Clay: Right
Stacie Cockrell: So, you really need to understand what is in front of you.
Daddy Clay: I think you know women don't understand what these guys do.
Daddy Brad: No, they don't.
Daddy Clay: They have no idea. You don't know, I mean yes you don't know.
Speaker3: This is why we don't make this thing. You haven't listed at all before us.
Daddy Clay: I have got to change the oil.
Daddy Brad: Yeah.
Daddy Clay: Do they know that? They don't know that I have got to change?
Daddy Brad: It changing the oil as the same as watering the plants inside.
Daddy Clay: I checked the pipe pressure.
Daddy Brad: Yeah.
Stacie Cockrell: I change the oil in my car a couple of weeks ago. Do I get points for that?
Cathy O'Neill: I am happy to say that I have never done that. Nor do I have any plans of ever doing.
Daddy Clay: You know what the filter wrench. You went out there and did it yourself? Or you would like to the jiffy loop.
Cathy O'Neill: Yes I say.
Daddy Brad: Okay so watch your everything list?
Cathy O'Neill: Everything yes.
Daddy Brad: That's a huge list what it takes to keep the household going.
Daddy Clay: What you think -- some of the things that women have in their list, that men have no idea about? What did you put on there.
Cathy O'Neill: It should be things like even buying the kids their clothes.
Stacie Cockrell: Yes.
Cathy O'Neill: You know, I mean.
Stacie Cockrell: Men really don't know about the clothes, what about the old ones. They have got to get to wear it. It took me a whole day to do, I have three kids. My husband had no idea.
Cathy O'Neill: Yes, task like that, everything that involves such of the micro management of a child.
Stacie Cockrell: All the activities that you find them on work?
Cathy O'Neill: Then seems to be sort of ability of that.
Daddy Clay: Oh, goodness no I don't required. I know that what I don't want my daughter to be wear.
Cathy O'Neill: Yes.
Daddy Clay: Right, which as you talk, it's must be very difficult to shop with her because so I know nothing it says juicy on the bottom.
Daddy Brad: Is that difficult, do you enjoy the clothes shopping? Because I will say there is some, I think they are intrinsic male activities like mowing a grass, washing the dog that kind of stuff.
Cathy O'Neill: When you do your everything list, what's you will see is that you will be able to look at it together and say well actually I wouldn't mind doing that. And he can say well as I am okay taking the responsibility for the cars and you know I can say, well I am okay taking responsibility for Christmas gifts or whatever it might fit, you are okay?
Stacie Cockrell: I know it would be serious even my husband who dress my kids there, on what he would buy.
Daddy Clay: I want you to list up. Do you have a draft pick. You go one, two, I mean do you go through and you say draft, okay with the first choice, daddy Clay takes dishes.
Cathy O'Neill: Okay.
Daddy Clay: Or do you say okay we are going to take all these task and split them fifty fifty so that you are going to alternate the diaper, pale emptying or you are going to alternate the dishes or scrubbing the toilet. Do you split them off?
Stacie Cockrell: Well so you got the part of the list that's the obvious divvying up like shopping or mowing the lawn, you know stuff that again you have the intrinsic interest.
Daddy Clay: And are we indulging in this horrible gender stereotype.
Cathy O'Neill: We probably are about the house, you know.
Daddy Brad: Are there any trained chores right out there?
Cathy O'Neill: There probably is.
Daddy Brad: I do the laundry, scrub the toilet and vacuum just so I didn't have to write any thank you notes, oh, for God's sake.
Stacie Cockrell: Yes the thank you notes discussion. So yeah, we are stereotyping to some degree but you know we are just trying to make a generalization to make a point. So you have the list of stuff you can easily divvy up, but then there is the bottom part of the list of all the activities that are not that fun that we have to have a major negotiation about.
Daddy Clay: Those are all women things I notice that's really better.
Cathy O'Neill: Do you think we have an age ability to put the trash out an age ability to empty a cat's litter box.
Daddy Brad: Did we knew?
Cathy O'Neill: But we weren't aware about it really, I wasn't aware of that really.
Daddy Clay: Women love that stuff.
Cathy O'Neill: That's fascinating, isn't it?
Stacie Cockrell: Yes, my mother took me aside my whole life and just told me every chore how to do everything, this is how.
Cathy O'Neill: We have secret clubs so we all get together and discuss the best technique, you know how to wash the dishes and everything.
Daddy Brad: But bear what you are doing it, try bear to make it fun.
Cathy O'Neill: But for those chores that nobody really wants to do. It probably is a good idea may be to alternate them, you know one week on, one week off or to do, look I am on trash, therefore, your -- I mean what's bad if taking out the trash.
Daddy Brad: Really, it's got --
Cathy O'Neill: You have got to be fair.
Daddy Clay: Emptying the diaper trash.
Stacie Cockrell: Diaper trash.
Daddy Brad: I always get that.
Cathy O'Neill: The toxic, the toxic part.
Daddy Brad: Under these things come like there is going to equal things you should do. Do these bottom things in a very unpleasant come with like six points, you are more likely to score if you take those.
Cathy O'Neill: No. You don't want to associate trash with those points. Associate no, no no, you get toxic dia
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