NurtureShock - Book Review

Daddy Clay: Hey there! Welcome back to the lab. I am Daddy Clay. Today we have got a very special episode coming to you from the Texas Book Festival here at the state capital of Austin, Texas. We are joined by NurtureShock author Po Bronson. Come on back, you are going to want to hear what he has to say. Daddy Clay: Po, thanks so much for joining us. Po Bronson: Thanks Clay. Daddy Clay: I really appreciate it. Thank you for talking for us and thank you for this book. But I guess I have got some questions for you. Po Bronson: Yeah, go, shoot away. Daddy Clay: So this book has got ten chapters each one on a different important issue that pertains to parenting. So as you were doing your research, you come across one or two that cost you to make a change in what you are doing at home, right away? Po Bronson: Yeah, the science of praise which I uncovered when my son was five years old, my daughter would have been two. So less relevant at the time for my two old years, to my son. Right then I was telling him everyday just trying to learn to read, trying to do math those times. If you are so smart, if you have got what it takes, you have it in you, and the science says, telling kids they are smart all the times teaches them this idea that it's about what you have got it or you don't, that you born innate -- they are born smart and then it doesn't tell them what to do when they encounter a difficulty. I merely overnight started my kid if you can work hard, focus on the details, focus on the specifics and praise him still, but praise him quite differently. And that changed overnight. The other thing that changed overnight when I started reading it was about talking about race and teaching children tolerance from a very early age. When I read this work, a lot of it came out here at the University of Texas, Austin it suggests preach tolerance, talk about race and skin color in a very open way. Don't make it a taboo topic and this is really beneficial with kid's at early age. Daddy Clay: One of things about the book that's really challenging is that throughout the book you are taking on sort of sacred cows assumptions, a lot of things that we all sort of collectively believed to be true, but are misinformant and it sort of leads me to believe, wow, is it possible to parent just using common sense and good intensions or is it possible to parent in the absence of social science? Po Bronson: We would hope people would get informed and then trust their instincts, because if they are just trusting their instincts, what they think of their instincts are in fact a lot of actually oldest proven psychology or at times we have moralistic bias we bring to kids. Things we think of -- we quickly judge them as bad behavior and we are not really seeing the complexity of what's going on. Daddy Clay: This is not going to be a comfortable read for parents, your book, when there is -- Po Bronson: I don't think, but it's a fun read. I think of it as something as the sort of freakonomics of parenting, especially for dads who don't every little thing -- they want to hear some science that these things are true, they just don't sound true. They want to see some data. Daddy Clay: So what have you found? We have seen lots of statistical that men are participating much raising kids, they are there day-to-day, they are taking on tasks they had in the past. Are you seeing any information that's specific to dads? Po Bronson: No, I think they have only got to do parenting. People have to watch out. There is always some example that's out there in the newspaper that's really easy to say and some dad or mom who is way overdoing it. But the vast majority of parents are just normal involved parents and every bit of science, every bit says that's good for kids. There is a couple of touch spots with sort of modern progressive dads to watch out for. One has to do with when you are co-parenting and you are sharing, you get into a lot of arguments actually over-parenting itself and as they are getting -- Daddy Clay: Oh! Wait, wait, wait is arguing with -- Po Bronson: But there are higher rates of martial conflicts in co-operating families. This just measured in -- so when you are having conflict, work it out in front of the kids so the kids can see good negotiation compromise. The other thing that's one other negative trait that goes with being a modern progressive dad is inconsistency of discipline. Modern progressive dads; one day it will be like I will try being strict. The next day I am like a mixer, I am never giving anything -- I will ignore then when they are being antisocial or trying to manipulate me because I want to not reinforce their negative behavior, but the science of discipline says consistency is what actually matter the most. So our attempts to experiment in discipline actually backfire a little bit. Daddy Clay: It's really interesting stuff. So the book is just full of that. So thanks again for joining us. Po Bronson: Hey! Thanks Clay! I appreciate it. Daddy Clay: You have got to check out NurtureShock by Po Bronson and it needs to go in the shelf with Tina Cassidy's Birth and DadLabs Guide to Fatherhood. I think these are essential books you have got to have. I want to thank Po very much for joining us and thank you BabyBjorn for sponsoring this show. We couldn't do without them. We will see you next time on the lab.