This is Dr. Anthony Kane from the Complete Connection Parenting Program, with another parenting tip for you. Today we are going to discuss out of control difficult to find behavior in children and teens. But, I want to discuss something little different, with different angle this time. I want to talk about children who actually have real problems like, ADD & ADHD, Bipolar Disorder, or Asperger's Syndrome, or Oppositional Defiant Disorder, or Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder; children who have actually concrete real problems, behavioral problems that you cannot control.
How we view these children? Well, as I discussed in other places, bad behavior is a learned process, children who are young are dangerous, because they don't know what else to do. They are young, they can't control their environment, they get frustrated and have a tension, and where they have -- or they go out, they break something, and that's the way of responding what's inappropriate, but in appropriate terms of behavior, what's age appropriate terms of that what children at two or three do. As children get older, we discussed also that if the parent or the adult gives into this bad behavior, the child learns these that bad behavior is an effective way of getting what he wants, and he will keep on using behavior as a tool.
Now I talk about children with ADD & ADHD, or Bipolar Disorder, or some other physiological or biological or brain based disorder, we are not talking about this condition, and I am talking the same thing, because these are children who really cannot control the behavior. The child with ADHD is inherently compulsive, impulsive, hyperactive and he cannot control that himself. What that means is he cannot be held accountable, he cannot be blamed for it, he cannot be punished for it, and if you try to punish the children who cannot control the behavior, it will damage his self esteem, and it will not get back to it all. It will definitely be bad for child, and it won't work.
Now that does not mean that you cannot let that behavior go, because if the child is stuck by Bipolar Disorder or ADHD or some other problem, he still have to exist in the world, live in the world, and world does not care if he has ADHD, or has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. He has to fit in, he has to comply, he has to obey rules. But, your focus in parenting in that case it is not really to punish or try to get it him to control himself, is to teach him various techniques and ways that he can control his behavior, use his behavior or other things that will help him to comply, and these children really do want to behave, they want to behave.
If you ask a ADHD child, you can ask any ADHD child, what will you want about the world different, what will you change, anything in the world, what will you change? Invariably, they will always say something about their ADHD, and getting their behavior in control. They don't like being out of control. So with that in mind, you have to keep in mind that these children really, they don't want to behave when they can't control themselves, and therefore they can't be punished for it. But as not to say, some of the behavior go. What you have to do is find spluttering skills or ways and techniques to teach them each situation, how to control the behavior that requires extra parenting skills, requires more attention on your part, but it is something you have to try with the your child, because a child whether it is ADHD or ADD or other problems, have behavior problems, has to learn to fit in society, and it doesn't matter whether they control or not, he has to also learn. Again, this is Dr. Anthony Kane from Complete Connection Parenting Program. If you like to have more parenting tips like this, please go to our web-site at ccparenting.com, sign up for our free newsletter, and you will be getting parenting tips for both children and teens
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