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You headline will be perfect. You are opening sense will perfect, every sense in your offer would be perfect when you can not take out a single word without damaging the comprehension of that sense.
So, if you are in there and you see a word in there and I do not care whether it is a verb, a noun or whatever—there is a lot of mumbling going on in a lot of writing. Write a mumbling takes people back to that palace of state. We have words like power words, like good verbs, that is our tool to bring the reader out of that palace of state into a semi-active state because you want them agitated.
One of the best testimonials I have ever gotten, and I got many of them, had been in a long lines of—“Damn you Clarington I read add. There is not way I am going to buy anything because I am not the kind of guy that buys from adds.” But then, I woke up at three in the morning, could not get back to sleep. I pick up the phone and called an order—that is a successful add, gets into their head, works down in to their emotional sweet spot, kind of works the passions, does not let them get un-agitated.
All we have is words. You can not reach out and actually throw into the middle. A lot of teachers talk about grabbing the reader, reaching up from the page and grab them. They like to say that on Mason Ave, in the big agencies. But they do not know what they are talking about.
What they are talking about is shock value at best. Shock values get your attention after that, all of you have are words to be able to bring them in, hold them and move them through this, what we called the ‘greased-slide of the sales process.’ Working them down into the point you want them to beep.
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