Previous Lovers - I'm Not Her First

Dan: How can I forget her past? How careless in discussions ? Hi! Jennifer: And would you believe, I told you before we started this question, no drama. Dan: She told me no drama. Well, it has been what, six years now, and you are telling me no drama. Jennifer: Drama queen. Dan: Make sure guys, they can do drama. Even straight ones, straight ones can do drama. Okay, how can I forget her past. This guy wants to know, he says, I have this problem with my girlfriend I am going to quick tap in the card. I have this problem my -- I want to tap your card. I have this problem with my girlfriend, I really love her, this is not a problem. No comments, okay. I really love her, and she loves me too, but I am her third boyfriend, third. She admits to not being a virgin anymore. She has had sex countless times with her two ex-boyfriends, countless. When I asked her, if she really regrets what she has done in the past and ask her if, she really wished that I was as her first boyfriend and she did those things with me only; she replied, yes, and said that she wished she could have done those things already with me and not with others. All these images keep popping into my head what do I do? I don't know. Jennifer: Finding a new boyfriend. Dan: A new girlfriend, or consult a very good therapist. Jennifer: I think what she should do, is find the -- Dan: Yeah I know, this guy needs to find a therapist, a good one, possibly two or three day can sit at the same time. Okay, look but we are not into beating on someone or another but this is a very dysfunctional line of thinking. I mean, get over. Jennifer: Sorry we have our box two and our box tins and they are very tightly when we start talking about fundamentalist ideas. Dan: Yeah, fundamentalist is this -- you are a channel, not popular with the fundamentalist, okay. Jennifer: No, we have been told that we put the L in Liberal, okay, so sorry. Dan: Jenni, don't think political because we are not into the old political party. That's really where a lot of the stuff goes wrong because you pick only party side, you don't think. Think, think, think, you have this marvelous brain. Think for yourself. Jennifer: Think politics, think religion. Dan: Think life. Jennifer: Study them, learn them, discover them, don't accept it blindly. Dan: Kids should know what most of the major religions are, and be able to think for themselves, like they have been indoctrinated. Jennifer: That's another video. Dan:I am sorry, I am sorry. So how can I forget her past, even though I am being fundamentalist about this. Look, girls don't come with a safety wrapper for revealing pleasure. I mean your religion or your beliefs may have told you so, but it just don't work out way, and some people will say, but girls do come with a safety wrapper. I can't believe we got them telling us. Jennifer: That's a whole another topic but do you know the kind of things that people will do to protect their safety wrapper? Dan: Especially, there is a fundamentalist area. Okay. Jennifer: Anal sex, oral sex, all kinds of other stimulations so that they can say they are virgin. Dan: Some of those virgins do somethings that some of the non-virgin girls wouldn't even think of. Jennifer: And I feel sorry for those poor girls, we find them broken all by itself and they have never actually had sex. Their safety wrapper just kind of disintegrated because they got old enough when that happened. Dan: Yeah, maybe --- Jennifer: What about those poor girls? Dan: Yeah, but I am sorry. Jennifer made a good point, and I have to watch myself on coming too much on the middle of the question, but look, she has had sex countless times with her ex-boyfriends, so what? You go girl. Look, if you don't like it, there is always a right hand, I am sorry. But she is not going to wait her whole life, in case you show up. I am sorry this is just really, really dysfunctional thinking and it's not he is in a delusional state, that's really not going to lead to happiness. Jennifer: No I am really talking about this is in the live show, is that, do you know that when you reach puberty, your body is ready to have sex? Now, our social stigmas, and religion and all of this stuff says, no, no, no, but your body is saying, yes, yes, yes. I feel sorry for teenagers. Dan: And we did a long show. Jennifer: I was there, I know. Dan: Yeah, I was too, you know, we all were, but we forget. All these parents are crying, abstinence only, you know what, this is the idealistic, you are heading to see and approach to it because you know what, that's letting, that's letting little Johnny down because he doesn't want to have sex. Jennifer: He deserves an honest answer. Dan: Exactly. And you are being a big chicken by saying, abstinence only, because you know what, one day when little Johnny has a weak moment, he is not going to know that you know, no condom, no play, because you didn't tell him. Jennifer: He is not going to know about STDs because you didn't tell him. Dan: You know STDs by trial and error, that's what this abstinence only approach getting us and it's real sad guys. Jennifer: So back to the question. Back to the question. Dan: Back to the question, and the girl with the safety wrapper. Jennifer: Look, her past is what has made her who she is today. Dan: This is a huge thing. Jennifer: Okay, you love this person, or you like her enough to call your girlfriend. Her past is what made her who she is today. Dan: So you are off the soapbox, but we are who we are because of all our thoughts, all our experiences, everything that has happened in our life, to this point makes us who we are today, and you say you love this one person, you are being naïve or unrealistic to say, Oh! but if I find out this person did that stuff, all of a sudden, I don't love them anymore. Jennifer: Yeah, and so many people are guilty today, okay, of living in the past, and living in the past, or living in the future, for what may come, what may come. Okay, sex is the only, only thing you've ever had in this life, and the only thing you can ever count on is this moment right now. Okay, you can't even say tonight. Okay, the only thing you can ever count on is right now. Dan: True, you mean I have five seconds, to know the past history, submit. It's gone. Jennifer: Yeah, do you want to spend your time with this girl worrying about what she did in the past that you can't change? It's done. Dan: And really, what I am seeing here and what he doesn't realize, he is persecuting himself, he is putting himself through a hell here, because he loves her but he can't come to terms with what she has done, almost if she has done it to him or something, but she has to wait her whole life, in case, he decides to show up. Jennifer: So look, okay, long story short. You've got to find a way to move forward with her and to be with her now. You can't -- if you can't forgive her or at least accept her past. Dan: Don't forgive things like that. Jennifer: Then, he has to feel forgiveness in his heart. So acceptance is forgiveness in a way, but if you can't accept her for who she is and everything that she has been through, and everything that makes her the person that she is today, then you are with the wrong girl. I am sorry. Dan: You seems to have to and find someone else who fits your box and same for her. Jennifer: Yeah, because I understand your box and I respect it, okay. Dan: And you are indoctrinated into it, it's not your fault. I am sorry. Jennifer: Not where I was going, but your beliefs are your beliefs, and if you are looking, if that is a critical factor in choosing your girlfriend and your wife and your partner, then there is probably not the right girlfriend you would be with because this is driving you both crazy. Dan: Yeah. Jennifer: So either accept her, or move on.