Hi! I am Lee Rosen of the Rosen Law Firm. I have been a divorce lawyer for more than 20 years and during that time I have learned a lot about why people end up getting divorced. Thank you for joining me today. I would like to tell you about the leading problems that I think lead to divorced and some of the things that I think you might be able to do to nip them in the bud before they get out of control.
Number one, communication. This is the most frequent cause of the breakdown of marriages. People are not communicating. I have had clients who have explained to me that they haven't had a real conversation other than an argument in years, they barely speak. Some studies have shown that the average couple only talks for a few minutes a day and that's in marriage that are working that are succeeding. Many of my clients have literally stop speaking to one another and continue to live together for years after they stop speaking. What you need to do is to have frequent good quality communication or you are going to be doomed.
If you can't figure out away to make that happen, then go and see a counselor. At a minimum during sessions, you will be talking. Those sessions those conversations may go a long way to getting your marriage back on track .
Number two, money. I cannot tell you the number of times I have represented spenders marry to savers or savers marry to spenders. People who have totally different views on money. Sometimes one spouse is all about following a budget and the other is all about being a spontaneous. Sometimes one spouse wants to live for today have a good time go out eat in lots of restaurants, buy a lot of things and the other one wants to plan for retirement. This is an issue that needs to be worked before you get married. This is a great use for premarital counseling.
If you already married and you are probably are then what you need to do is find a way to communicate about money. Get it out in the open. Maybe you will use a counselor, if it's a tough thing for the two of you to talk about. Once your communicating you have got to find the way for both husband and wife to get what they need out of the financial situation. It can be done, it requires compromise. If you can't compromise, if you don't find a way to work together, then you can count on pestering resentment to drive the two of you apart. Once that happens, you won't have to work out money issues any more, because you won't be married anymore.
Number three, immaturity. Immature people have a tough time making a commitment and living up to it. Over and over I have seen couples where things get a bit challenging and one spouse or the other decides to cut and run. There isn't a real commitment. Maturity brings with it the ability to look at the big picture, the long term and live with it even when the going gets tough. Marriage is the big-leagues, this is series. It's time to grow up and be an adult. I am not sure what to tell you if you have an immature spouse. I don't know that there is an easy solution, but I would encourage to see a counselor and get some advice.
Number four, drug and alcohol addiction. We have been involved in a hundreds of cases involving addiction. It destroys a marriage faster than anything else. It's a disaster for the marriage and it's disaster if there are children. The only solution that works is professional help. Usually, involving impatient long term treatment. Realistically, the treatment can wipe out a family financially, but this is the only way I have seen to save a marriage plagued by addiction.
Finally number five and this is the one that everything thinks is going to be number one, sex. I have very rarely found sex either too much of it too little of it or any variation on the theme to be the cause of divorce. The same is true of adulatory and even pornography addiction. I have almost always found in these sexual issues to be a symptom of a marriage in distress. Not the cause of the breakdown. When sexual issues come up, we usually see other big issues communication money issues or immaturity in the marriage. If those issues can be addressed, then the sexual issue is tend to straighten them selves out.
If you are trying to save your marriage, I encourage you to see a counselor and get some advice. Go and see the counselor even if your spouse refuses to go. We have great site at www.happilymarried.com that will help you learn more about staying married and finding a counselor. Good luck! Give it your best shot for more information visit our site at www.rosen.com. I am Lee Rosen for Rosen Law Firm.
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