Roommates and Jealousy Issues

Linda: Hi. My name is Linda from Boras, Sweden. My question is my boyfriend has a female roommate and that makes me very uncomfortable. So I wonder how I can deal with that this without sounding too controlling.

Phil Rutter: so when you say something about controlling, the first thing that comes to mind; is your boyfriend approachable about this? So, if you do have concerns, you have every right to express that you are uncomfortable.

And the thing that comes up for me when you say the word or use the word ‘controlling’, I’m wondering if that’s an element of your relationship with your boyfriend already. So, I’m not judging but the use of that word is a little bit concerning to me so I wonder if your thoughts are actually completely about your boyfriend or jealousy or if its more about the fact that they’re maybe a controlling element in your perception and if you’re willing to maybe look at that first before addressing your concern with your boyfriend.

If that still ring true for you, that you have that concern and it wouldn’t be perceived as controlling, then it makes perfect sense to be honest with your boyfriend and tell him your concern.


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