Jennifer: Hi! Okay, here we go. Since I had my baby a year ago, our sex life seems to have gone downhill. My husband seems to prefer a blow-job to sex. This afternoon, he made it clear that he wanted a blow-job. I started, and then stopped because I felt that he did, that was all he wanted. Nothing else happened, no sex, nothing. We have talked about this loads of times and I actually suddenly understood how crappy it makes me feel. I am so sexually frustrated. It just seems to be either a blowjob for him or a blowjob leading to sex, a quicky I might add. What do I do? Please help.
Dan: Well, it's becoming common for guys like oral sex, blow-jobs. Feels good, feels really, really good, but I've heard it feels good for girls?
Jennifer: That's true, girls like this just as much. I don't know, here is the deal. I feel a lot of frustration coming from you and I know how you are feeling, okay, anybody who has ever been in a relationship has gone through this kind of stuff. You go through bums and hums and all those kind of stuff, and my question is, have you just actually asked him not during, not when you are angry, not in an attacking fashion, why he prefers it? I mean, maybe there is a reason, but please don't be blaming or accusing because it's a very, very touchy topic. And he may just get mad and storm off rather than answer. Right?
Dan: Yeah. I just figured out that he could have to shout, yeah.
Jennifer: She is about to get kicked off out of the bed.
Dan: Or the door.
Jennifer: Anyway, here is the deal. He maybe having some emotional issues. It's like, you just had a baby. This is a weird thing for men and most people don't even think about it, but sometimes men can start to think of their wife as a mother, and forget that she was a lover, and some guys are absolutely freaked out by the fact that a baby came out now, and they are like, Oh! My God, what just happened.
Dan: As both of you're trying to think about it.
Jennifer: Yeah. In this case, it probably is best if you don't try to think about it. You know he is probably wondered and, "Yeah, what's going on". And it could be, believe or not, when you have a baby, he get stressed out down there obviously, especially if you have natural child birth, not a caesarian.
Dan: I am so trying to think about it, but just maybe with me for a while. Oh, man.
Jennifer: Like I said, you are not going to know what his problem is unless you two can find a way to come together and talk about it. Why? Try to get him to tell you why he prefers it. Hopefully it's whatever that reason is, it's something that you can work out.
Dan: Yeah. But, I think that period can also be rough for a guy while the girl is going to the pregnancy, because her body gets loaded, she doesn't feel like it so much of the time.
Jennifer: Some guys think that women are beautiful when they are pregnant, and some guys are totally freaked out by the whole idea.
Dan: Yeah. But, I think a lot of the time women doesn't feel like having sex, they don't feel sexy. Right?
Jennifer: Yeah, when she is pregnant, and right after the baby is born, maybe she is too tired.
Dan: But, the guy's body is not going through all these different things.
Jennifer: Yeah.
Dan: So he is just going through a long period of that.
Jennifer: So why won't he have sex with her now?
Dan: Maybe he get in a weird -- they get in a weird downswing, and they just havent haven't fixed it up, because we don't have the background before this.
Jennifer: That's true. Here is my last thing, and this is the worst case scenario. If he refuses to pleasure you at all, stop pleasuring him. I am sorry. Now, that's going to lead to a divorce. I can pretty much assure you that, stop having sex.
Dan: Probably, because he is going to want somebody doing that.
Jennifer: Ideally, you talk to each other but, I do believe in what's good for the use of this. So if he is absolutely refusing you, he may have some bigger problem.
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