Sex Wars! – Is it Time for peace yet? – FOR COUPLE
Hi this Francisco Bujan. from vitalcoaching.com. We are talking about dating relationships and the topic for this video is Sex Wars - Is it over yet?
There are lots of things of going on out there which are not really in line with this kind of romantic idea about love and couples and relationships. So I wanted to talk about it today because I think it is very important for men and women to get the values right when they get into relationship right?
I mean it is incredible that you can spend five years with a guy or with a woman and after that you still need to decide to have a divorce battle and affect each other, make your life a misery just because you do not know who is going to get the kitchen table. I mean, this is crazy what is going on right now in terms of divorce or in terms of sex wars, it is quite dreadful
And if you have been trapped into one of these situations and right now you can not see your kids or you have been fighting with your ex over stupid things for years, I mean it is time to stop it. It is time find another way of dealing with this kind of conflicts and at solving that once in for all.
The key word here is love and respect. That is the kind of quality that you want to increase and enhance in your life and in your dealings with the opposite sex and right now they are lots of areas where this is not being applied. One of the areas, one of the key areas has to do with relationship boundaries. You know sometimes you will be in a relationship and somehow it gives you the right that you have the possibility or the impression that you can not tell the person what to do or not to do, how to be behave, and this has to do with culture, right?
It has to do with lack of respecting the other person’s freedom. And this is one of the key things that couples or individuals do with their relationships which I think it is totally self destructives for the love, for the respect of the other person, and it is actually killing their own minds, killing the joy, and happiness to be in a relationship.
So it is not just jealousy. It is not just possessiveness, it is a whole set of attitudes which gives you the impression that you can claim the other person’s life. And honestly when you get into a relationship or into a marriage and you commit your self to somebody else, you are never saying something like, you know from now on I give you the right to tell me what to do. I give you the right to tell me what to wear, and how to behave, or what to think, or how to feel. You know you never say anything like that but somehow the other person will sometimes by mistake assume that this is the right they are getting from you.
And honestly it is time to come into relationship with a very clear set of values that shifts back this kind of misunderstandings and these misunderstanding precisely have to do with not realizing that when you get into a relationship this does not give you the right to control the other person life.
I mean this is crazy. The fact that you enter into a relationship does not mean that you are giving up your power or the right to decide for your self or your own decisions and you know your key life choices. It means that you simply want a partner for the rest with somebody.
Now when we come friends as to the topic of divorce, it is important to realize that when you get into a ring, you know into a battle ring with your partner, with your ex-partner, boyfriend, girlfriend or wife or husband, it is a lose, lose. Nobody is going to win. If you end up fighting for years, you know punching each other giving, each other lots of emotion, attacks, and you know mature attacks as well. This is not going to work, if not nobody is going to win. The only once winning in this situation are the lawyers behind who are sponsoring this battle.
You have to realize that you do not have to go to the battle over the kitchen table. You do not have to go to battle over these stupid things. These are mature element and if you go to battle and decide to find this, most of the times it is her lose, lose and that it is no way to win. I mean nobody wins out of that. Nobody wins out of investing one year, two years, or three years of an emotional and mature battle over some stupid things. I mean think of the gain, think of the benefits, is it worth that you know 30, 40, 50 thousand dollars in legal fees, really is it? I mean what you have to do is very simple, you come into your relationship with totally different set the values and you say respect at all times. We do not want this to happen. I mean this is just a lose, is just a key. I just want to stimulate the discussion here and if you have any experience on this topic just share your impressions. I will be back for more, I am stopping very soon.
Take care for now and have a great day. Bye-bye.
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