Hi this is Francisco Buija VitalChouching.com, we are talking about dating success for men and our topic for this video is she says I am too clingy, what does that mean? That is another question that I got on my channel and then this is probably from a guy who is readily young, maybe he is under 20. The reason why I want to answer this question is because this situation that many young guys will meet when they first have a girlfriend. They will make a mistake of being too much on her, to depend on her, wanting to be with her all the time, and very often this will be a turn off.
The girl start feeling like she as fixated mutually within the relationship and she needs some space. So, when you are young and you are in a relationship for the first time, the first time you have a girlfriend usually this is a mistake that you make very frequently. So, I am going to give you a few hints to explain to you a little bit what clinginess is and specially your solution for that, okay.
So, being clingy is simply a feeling of depending totally on your girlfriend, it means that what she would feel from you is that you are too much attached to her and after awhile if she has you around her all the time she feels like it is limiting her that she cannot breath and that she cannot do anything without you, observing her every move and wanting to know everything about her, wanting to know about her actions, where she would be, contacting her too frequently.
You can do that, when you are online for instance if you are texting her or instant messaging her all the time, and you are calling her too frequently, this kind of things, this is clinginess, it means that you are really holding on her and that is not enough, why is it a turn off? Because a relationship, even though it feels like it is important for you it is not everything. There is a life out there which goes beyond the cluster that you create with your couple and a girl needs to experience that and she wants to experience that.
She wants to maybe still have other friends, have an active social life which does not actually depend totally on your couple. So, you have to understand that and simply give her space and that is the solution. So, why is it that you become clingy? You know it is an instinct to a response that you express, why is that you become clingy when you are in a relationship in your stage? Well, you become clingy because a relationship is very comfortable.
The feeling that you get when you are with a girl is a feeling that you want to keep on experiencing and the best way to experience it over and over again is by being around her all the time. So, because it feels so good and it feels so comfortable, it feels so nice you want to stay with her at that state for much longer. It feels protected, it feels like there is harmony, there is love, and you want to keep in experiencing that.
So, when you take a distance from her or when you go away from her, you lose this connection, you lose this feeling of comfort and happiness and joy that you experience when you are around her. So, to keep on experiencing that, you simply decide to stay with her longer and longer more hours in the day, and eventually all the time and your desire is simply to stay around her all the time. Everytime she takes distance from you, you feel like something is missing and you get out of balance and you will end up one thing to be with her more frequently.
So, you have to understand first what goes on right and then do something about it. Now, what is the solution for that? The solution is first to understand really the dynamics of what is happening, okay. Why do you feel like you need to be around your girlfriend all the time and especially what to do when you realize that and you want to give her space?
So, what do you do is you activate your social life beyond what goes on with you as a couple or your relationship with this girl. You reconnect with friends, you start interacting more with other people, and especially you focus a bit more on your self rather than on the couple, or rather on her. Look at the patterns, look at the your desires like what you want to do in a day, and rather than focusing on things that you can do with her, focus a bit more on your own path or your own destiny in life.
Things that had nothing to do with her and when you do that you will start repolarizing your life and be more than your self rather than on her or on your couple, or your relationship. And, this is very important I know that you might believe that, it reminds me about a dream that is being together all the time but in real life it works differently, okay.
I hope this makes sense. You take care and have a wonderful day. Goodbye.
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