Brad: Where are your shoes, honey?
Clay: Welcome back to DadLabs. This week's topic is of course shoes.
Brad: Honey, where are your shoes?
Clay: I have to apologize for Daddy Brad. He spent so many hours searching for that illusive second Crocs in a vain attempt to get out of the house in the morning, but he has given himself an acute case of PTSD.
Brad: Where did you take them all? Maybe in the closet?
Clay: Also known as Parent-Toddler Shoe Disorder. Now, I know a lot of you dads out there would love if the kids could just go all Barney Rubble, running around barefoot all day. But that's too bad, because shoes are here to stay. Don't worry though, we will get you through it. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy this little piece of expertainment that we have nicknamed Crocs.
Brad: Dude, give me that freaking shoe. I have been looking for ten minutes for this thing. Try to get out of the door. Got it, honey.
Clay: Nice acting. He is such a good actor. Who knew?
So you are okay?
Brad: Yeah, yeah, all better. Okay, baby booties are shoes.
Clay: Yeah, basically, whole thing, total scam. Because I don't know if anybody has filled you in on this or not, but babies can't walk.
Brad: So baby shoes are essentially just really expensive decorations to put on your kids' feet.
Socks, well, they need socks, keep their feet warm in the wintertime, but everything else is just a sucker move.
Clay: Even when the kids are learning to walk, bare feet, probably the best thing. You might want to look at some of these little robbies, these little thin mocks, these are good too, but when the kid is learning to walk, barefoot is probably best.
Brad: But once that baby learns to walk, it's time to buy a new pair of shoes.
Clay: For your kid's first pair of shoes, you probably want to come to a cool little boutique shop, like 1379 here in Austin, that way you are going to get plenty of personal attention and your child is going to get a good fit. We love it here, don't we? Come on buddy, let's go get some shoes.
Female Speaker: Hi, how are you doing today?
Clay: I have a big guy here who needs a new pair of shoes.
Female Speaker: In a younger kid, you really just need a good stable heel. This is a great shoe. Looking for the shoe to kind of mimic the kid's foot a little bit, how the kid's foot looks. The kid has a real narrow foot, look for a shoe that has a narrow bottom. But really the most important thing is to have the heel be very stable and to keep their heel stable. When kids are doing flip flops everyday, it's really not a good idea. They can wear them to the beach or to the park for the day, but having a good stable shoe as a daily shoe is really a good idea.
What kind of shoes are you looking for today, are you looking for --
Clay: I am looking for the sneakers today.
Female Speaker: For all activity?
Clay: Yeah. He is playing this little junior soccer at daycare, so he needs to have some kind of sneakers or something that he can even kick a ball at.
Female Speaker: Okay.
Brad: Now, from the first trip to the shoe store onward, you are opening yourself up to meltdowns to noble like proportions. I mean, there are strange people in there, its a strange place. There is lots of waiting out. It's certainly not that much fun.
Clay: It looks like to me we have graduated in a big boy size where Velcro is not an option anymore, huh?
Female Speaker: No, Velcro is still an option. It just depends on how his foot works with the shoe, but I can bring some outlet Velcro.
Clay: Because at the daycare he is off and on with his shoes three or four times a day.
Brad: Here is a deal. I know time is time, but don't try to tack on a shoe buying experience at the end of a long day as parents, you are just asking for it. Make sure your kids are well rested and also well fed, that would be a lot better. Oh dude, that was my spot.
Female Speaker: Can you come up over here, we are just going to try on a few shoes.
Clay: Excellent.
Female Speaker: Okay. Let's have you run all the way to the door and back.
Clay: Specialty stores with their experienced staffs are going to be your best bet for quality shoe and a good fit. The downside here, usually expensive as crap.
Brad: So what do you do when you are in Costco and you run across a great $2 pair of sneakers?
Clay: There are a couple of keys for getting a good fit for your kid's shoes. Do like the pros do, make sure you measure the foot very carefully or watch a pro measure the foot and make note of your child's shoe size.
Start with a shoe that's maybe a full-size, too large. Then go for the classic toe mash move. Make sure that there is at least half an inch between the end of the toe and the end of the shoe.
Finally, have the kid walk around a little bit and make sure that the heel doesn't slip at all.
Brad: Now, of course you are going to ask your kid how do they feel. Don't listen to them. Kids are terrible at this. They just want to get the hell out of the store. They are going to tell you, oh, they feel great, I love them.
Clay: Yeah, I am the worst about this. My son, he tells me, oh, these feel great, they are perfect, I love them. Leave. Four hours later, shoes covered in mud, feet covered in blisters. Total loss. Total write off. Do as I say, not as I do.
Female Speaker: The other thing is I brought these. Do you like these at all kiddo? You can say no. You like those better. Yeah, okay.
Brad: Thank goodness for Velcro snaps and slip-ons, its amazing what they do to attach shoes to your kid's feet with absolutely no hassle.
Clay: Yeah, but sooner or later you are going to have to teach your kid how to tie their shoes. This usually happens right around the kindergarten years. Now, we suggest taking a piece of rope like this and start by teaching them on the leg, because kids, they sometimes don't have that good manual dexterity to do them. I got it.
Brad: Look at you, you are wearing freaking flip flops.
Clay: I don't have much practice.
Brad: You need to wear some socks, man, this thing is stinking.
Clay: You guys do financing, I could get like 12 months, no interest and then like -- do you have like a monthly thing?
Female Speaker: That we can help you with.
Brad: And then there are Crocs.
Clay: Parents kind of have a love/hate relationship with these little guys, but after all they are nonslip, they are waterproof, they are well ventilated. There are kind of like a perfect summer shoe.
Brad: If they weren't as ugly as a canker on a hog's ass. Be careful on escalators, because these things can be sucked down. They are dangerous.
Clay: That's all from us here at DadLabs. You have spent a lot of time looking at hog's asses?
Brad: Well, I mean, yeah, kind of actually. You have never seen one?
Clay: Where did you get the canker?
Brad: Well, they don't have Olive Ole for hogs.
Clay: Olive Ole.
Brad: He put that on the frying pan.
Clay: Oh, you and hog's asses.
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