Sleep Deprivations for New Dads

Damion Queva: I think as having two children, one; two and a half year-old daughter and a 12 year-old daughter, I remember mostly more than anything else, the sleep deprivation I went through. I think it's mostly because the interruption of sleep during the night, the first time bring out the excitement, the fact that my wife was tired, so I had to jump up to do the bottle feeds sometimes. Anytime we heard a murmur, is she still breathing, I mean that type of thing. For two weeks, my work have given my off before I had to go back to work. I just remember this feeling just like anytime I could grab five, you know, 50 wings or whatever occasionally. Chris Brooks: Yeah. Damion Queva: I would take it. I'd never felt so tired in my life and I used to party hard. So I should have been quite used to it, don't necessarily going through the likes, I was - Chris Brooks: I suppose when you party there you don't get to out sleep and then waking up again and then off to sleep again like, it's torture only. Jonathan Wills: I did an almost a reverse because when our first one came, first two weeks, no problem, perfect baby, no problems. Then it kicked in after than. That's when I realized. Kevin Day: You're going to kill me as I think I was quite lucky. First three nights, mostly -- mainly shock and fear because he got his tidy little thing. Damion Queva: Exactly. Kevin Day: You don't feel qualified to look after. But then after that, because I am a standup comedian, my body clocks target anyway, so I started sleep too late in night the most part. Because Ally was breastfeeding, because the baby was -- she was -- didn't really see the need to wake me up unless she needed something. So for the most part, even if he was awake, she didn't tend to bother me, which is fantastic. I mean I would have happily go up to because there isn't a lot I can do because I'll just sit watch the back of his head, what he is feeding or going through a magazine, but it's not quite a -- because you're not going to have conversations at 4 o'clock in the morning. Chris Brooks: We can't breastfed as well. My wife and I found I quite guilty about that because when they breast-feed, it's like, you say, you can't do anything apart from sit and watch. Kevin Day: I thank my lucky stars. Chris Brooks: Yeah. Kevin Day: Unless you -- but I did feel -- I mean in terms of bonding with the baby, I didn't think it helps. For three years, I was touring as well so there's a lot -- even when I was in tours, I only saw the back of his head, so they kind of -- it was -- I was sleeping politically but it was at the expense of not really bonding for the first three year. Jonathan Wills: Did you find this well because it reminds back through quite similar that we have presented. Did you find that it's actually affecting your performance as well because that's the thing that I found, actually I was looking physically absolutely right, I mean as you are on radios. Speaker: -- Kevin Day: I wasn't too bad because I've always kept regular hours anyway. Jonathan Wills: Yeah. Kevin Day: I've never - I can't remember the last time, probably in the age of 24-28, last I am got eight hours proper sleep anyway, proper times up. As always I was getting up, getting in late, and getting up late or just not sleeping brilliantly anyway. So I didn't really had my sleep that interrupted by the baby. You kind of - I think the difference is you never fully sleep once you've got the baby there, you've never fully sleep, you always - some part of you is always is alert in case something happens, the slightest change in the breathing pattern is there, so I think you never sleep as deeply again. But I was certainly getting as much sleep, I mean the quality of sleep wasn't there. I think I was the luckiest amongst you and that deprivation wasn't a massive problem for me. Damion Queva: I just remember my wife couldn't - wasn't so bothered about she is quite exhausted so it's my job to sort of pick up the baby when there was a man or changing and that sort of thing. Then again she breastfed for the first two, three months as well. So when we moved into the bottle-feed, which didn't actually take that long, it was like suddenly a kind of a jolt kind of a scenario. Chris Brooks: Yeah. Damion Queva: Yet an obviously -- and I was sort of freaking -- Kevin Day: Okay, I was like Sally style breastfeeding for the first 14, 15 months. So by the time he was so onto semisolids and bowls, he was properly sleeping more or less properly sleeping anyway so I am definitely my experience of -- definitely luckier than yours I think. Chris Brooks: I think we had quite similar, because Harry went onto the bottle about -- breastfeeding for as about a month, he was on bottles. It's a quite a bit of the guilt because and obviously I couldn't get up. Then I was always I was worried about for a month, actually I just enjoyed myself. Damion Queva: Then you have to go through the sterilizer -- everything before you go -- Chris Brooks: Yeah, yeah. Damion Queva: Warming about, is it at right temperature and pumping into and things in the middle of the night for a few times but I think I was also quite less, I did have two children, did mostly sleep through the night. Eventually we got them trained fairly well so -- Chris Brooks: -- first nine because it happens overnight, isn't it? One night, we go to bed at 8'o clock, wake up at 7, and then that's it. It must be incredible. Kevin Day: I've got friends who decided to have the -- very close together so that 14 months old and then their new baby. Some of those have suffered really badly, because you got two babies who not yet into a proper sleep pattern. Jonathan Wills: Yes Kevin. We had similar examples, six, four and three, so that all -- quite bit so actually that's what the sleep deprivation period goes onto -- Chris Brooks: You haven't slept for six years. Jonathan Wills: It's what I feel like. But you do have recreation period as well because there are some days, we may have got -- you got big things to do, you got some -- where you are actually -- I've had just got to get a nice sleep. And you say, I am sorry, I just have to get a nice sleep and the lack of sympathy comes back, understandably too. Damion Queva: You do actually start snapping at each other before you eventually realize that you're probably being quite unfair to each other because you're quite right. You do that holding a second, if I don't get to work, we're suddenly going to be a - Kevin Day: Again, I was quite lucky because I don't do a thing I wasn't doing anything because when I was awake I was trying to be the perfect father, so I will pull him away but because Alice is in the show business as well. She understood sometimes you had to be fresh. In fact the only problem I got when I was working is she was jealous and she wasn't working. I think she is a stage manager and a floor manager. She was very busy before we had the baby. So there is the one recrimination as such. She understood that there are times when I probably need to sleep in the bedroom to get proper night sleep but she was just -- beside the fact that she couldn't do herself, she would have love to done so she didn't blame me. But there was always -- I don't think anybody can have children. It's always going to be our -- sleeping because one of you, even if I am getting lots of sleep, Ally isn't, so if one of you is tired, there is going to be arguments. Damion Queva: I think the other thing is because all will experience from the -- our first child as well, there is a mental tension because I remember the feeling of not necessarily knowing how to bathe the child, feed the child, you know, how the baby should be breathing, well, those sorts of tense things. You can't have as much as your mother or your mother in law would be wants to help and everyone has got a story to tell. At the same time, you must it, now we want to -- line, we can't go without, I -- my son will -- Kevin Day: I want to say, you can go for all the antenatal classes in the world, you can get all the advice in the world, once a -- it's the first night, you got that tidy thing, what on earth is she doing here. Damion Queva: I think, in front of you like this. Kevin Day: I think I felt I was terrified. I felt, who is left him in charge of us too, it didn't feel right. That's why I didn't sleep for three night because he was in with us because Ally was really caring on him having him sleep in the bed for sometime. You're just terrified to move for three months. I mean I've never heard of any stories of baby suffocating but you feel well, it was the first time. Damion Queva: If he wasn't breathing, it was all the covers wrap in the mouth. Kevin Day: Just two covers wrap -- Damion Queva: Head up right against the rally, sort of things. Kevin Day: Yeah, yeah. Damion Queva: And they are only little, three of four feet away from you. Jonathan Wills: You won't -- actually about first six months and what exactly you are the running the -- Damion Queva: I think that's more of a sleep deprivation. I think it's part of that fin of total exhaustion. I mean all the tiny and now anyone says, oh, my wife is just about -- so tired for the first two weeks, Kevin Day: Yeah. Damion Queva: Make sure that you take that time off work and think you can - come back, hang two, three days, and go back. You can't do it, you just can't do it. Kevin Day: But everyone, older people are supposed to -- so why did you show me before them -- just one finger didn't say, -- three days, four days to get -- the very good in birth is at the birth and how we talk in the hospital. But no one actually prepares you for that, that shock. Damion Queva: It's amazing how I think the whole routine changes, the houses in the mess, you got nappies everywhere, you only got body lotion over and baby lotion and other suddenly goes takes over. Kevin Day: I called some student -- because he was used to sleep in our bed now that any excuse he comes in, so I am being working up more often now than by a nine year-old and I wasn't used with nine weeks.