Hi, my name is Miss Lora and I am some what of a romance expert. I have hundreds of men answer my ads on the internet and I have talked to hundreds of women about their experiences and I am sure of one thing you all need help.
So, I have written the Southern Guide to Internet Dating. My sure fire tips, they will increase your chances of getting a good date and an even better mate. This week we are talking about is, what to wear on a coffee date. And, for what I have seen boys and girls, you both are clueless. So, I have come up with some one word tips that will make a big difference in the first 15 seconds of your date.
The first word is deodorant. Really, and that goes for you girls too. I know you might be saying, “Oh! Miss Lora”, I do not have to worry about that because you see I had this nice perfume. Honey, if you think that a good smell is going to cover up a bad smell, you might want to think again.
Okay, our next word is laundry. Yes guys we know it is a pain, but if this is your idea of your last clean shirt, you might want to reschedule.
Okay, our third, but most important word is underwear. Gentlemen, we do not care how much money you spent on your boxers. We do not want to see them. And if you are walking around worrying whether you are going to trip over your droopy drawers, you are wearing your pants to low. And you girls with the tongs, oh my gosh! I mean honey, just because you got a new one that does not mean that your date deserves to know what color is when he has not even bought you dinner yet.
So, do all of us Americans a favor, pull up your pants, push down your panties because you are not plumbers and we are not paying 50 bucks an hour to put up with that crap.
Okay, more from the Southern Guide Internet dating, and the infamous butt in rule. I can not tell you how many men I have gone on dates with and they showed up with their shirts unbutton down here, showing all this chest hair and gold chains. As for gold chains, honey, if your name is something like LO cool J or the game, you really should not go there. And, for chest hair, well, a little goes a long way.
See, we just want a hint of your manliness not the whole sash squash splendor. Oh, and speaking of animals, you girls are always complaining. Miss Lora, he only thinks of one thing, well duh, it has been scientifically proven that men think about sex every 3.2 seconds whether you will help him or not. You could show up on a flower suck to your date and he would still be thinking, I wonder how fast I could get that thing off out of her.
So, if you want a nice conversation with a man, button up. Because he is having enough trouble concentrating as it is. Honestly man with all that you get going on there, it is amazing you get anything accomplished, blessed your hearts.
And girls, speaking of buttons use a lot of them. Men like a challenge, and it is a much better choice than one of them craft up with your belly hanging out. Honey, if you are over the age of 12, trust me, you really should not go there. But, you man you should think about your foot wear. Yes, it turns out that white shoes are a chick magnet. They did this huge research study on white athletic shoes. And it turns out that the brightness of the color attracts a ladies eye. Causing her to look down, and as she is looking down there, she can not help but check out your package. They spent millions figuring that out, your tax dollars, hard at work. Miss Lora could have save them a whole lot of money; because there is at lease a 50/50 chance that if he can chase a little bowl around their shoes, he could chase you and give you a compliment. Yes, what did we learn in chapter one of Southern Guide of Internet Dating? What is our favorite phrase? Say with me now, “you look nice” excellent.
Okay, but now, we are going to talk about what we should never ever say to a woman. Yes, this is another one of their secrets that Miss Lora knows, that you should remember till the day you die, never ever look at a woman and say “are those yours”? Look, it is easy enough to tell, the real ones moves, see? And the made ones do not. But you got to understand, a lot of woman feel about their breast, the way Miss Lora feels about her eye lashes in her hair. Yes, I paid for them, you are dang wrap up there man. Okay, that is in the chapter three to the Southern Guide to Internet Dating.
Next week, Miss Lora answers the email of one of her very loyal viewers and he is going to show you how to write a great personal add. Here is the tip, the personals are public. So, if you do not want the FBI, CIA, DEA, honest, or your grandmother to know about it. Do not put it in there. Okay, you can write me at datingmisslaura@aol.com. Happy dating to you all.
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