The Pregnancy Show - Getting Pregnant After 35, Part 4

The Pregnancy Show with Nina and Kendall Pregnancy After 35 Episode 59 Nina: We are back and we're still talking about people trying to conceive -- women trying to conceive in the 30's, and I believe you have a little snip with you. Kendall: We do have a story from Suzan and she says, not true. That says it all. All my life I heard this from my family. When I started trying to conceive at 33, I found out I have decreased ovary reserve. Nina: See, yes, which affects one in ten women over 30. Kendall: I've never heard of it. Nina: Yeah, I've heard that. Kendall: Okay, luckily I did get pregnant in almost eight weeks, congratulations. Nina: Yeah, good. Kendall: There are so many problems you can have with fertility when you get older. Nina: Yes. Kendall: I wish I had known. If I were younger I wouldn't be so stressed about this pregnancy. Nina: See they told me. They told me right off the bat, at 35 fertility decreases. There is no way about it. That's just the way it is. Kendall: Suzan makes a point; she says, it's true you can have children at any age if you're reaching kind of for fertility treatments and donor egg cycle Oh my gosh! Nina: Affording their fertility treatments. Do you know the hell that you go through when you go through these treatments? When you prepare for IVF, you don't just go in there and extract eggs and put them in Petri dish and you have an embryo. You have to go through a two-week process of getting wonder eggs ready. You have to get the follicles growing in there to a certain size that are right for fertility, right for fertilization, I should say. So there is a whole process where you are getting ultrasounds everyday, blood tests everyday to see where your hormones are at. And you're doing pergonal shots in order to get to the IVF stage. So all of this is a very painful, very strenuous. Kendall: It's just got to be hard on you. Yeah, I know that this is thepregnancyshow.com, but let me just throw out a maverick idea here. Really you are like out of the paradigm. Okay, so you've tried everything within reason and you are getting older - Nina: But she is pregnant though. Kendall: -- and you haven't had children. She may continue? Nina: Wonderful! Kendall: However, okay, I know at some point also may be you won't have kids and I know that that's going to sound terrible and heaven knows I have them wouldn't give any them back most of the time. However, at some point some people might just have to come to turn for the fact that they're not. Nina: They are not going to have kids. Kendall: That doesn't mean your life is all ruined. Nina: Well my brother is not married and he - Kendall: My sister is not married. Nina: -- not married, and he doesn't want to get married and my parents are devastated, they are, oh, my God, no grandchildren. I got six grandchildren and my sister has five. I have six children, my sister has five kids, that's a lot of grandchildren. That's good enough. Kendall: That's good. Nina: But he doesn't choose to get married. Not everybody is cut out to have -- get married and have kids. Kendall: But at some point you have to accept if it wasn't meant to be, I don't want to get into some spirituals fluffy area but -- Nina: That has to be what you want also. Kendall: Okay, I understand but at some point -- Nina: And if they don't want have kids then nobody should -- we're talking about the fact that people should have kids. Kendall: Accept it. They should try within reason everything they could do but how much healthy you put yourself through. How much healthy you put yourself through and how long do you put yourself through it? Nina: And don't feel pressure to have a family because everybody else expects you to have a family and that's the norm. The norm is what you make of it. And if you want to have like -- Kendall: I agree. I am agreeing with her a lot today, what's happening? Nina: -- she marries this women Kelly, she is gay, and they adopted four beautiful kids, oh three, and they had one together and Kelly was inseminated by donor and they have, whatever works for you. You don't have to go and do something because it's said so somewhere and someone is telling you to do it. That's not right. Kendall: At some point you just have to come to peace with yourself. Nina: You decide what you want. What's comfortable for you, what you want and if you're right. Kendall: It's not even what you want, what fate or destiny or God, whatever you want to call it has provided and given you on your plate. Go to live with yourself and have some peace of mind. Nina: But I kept going because there was such a need for me to have those kids, but some people don't have that need. Kendall: But what is it that what you couldn't get? Nina: Right, then I would have adopted. I would have adopted. We have agreed that I would have adopted. I would have been fine with that. And then I had three babies in two years, one, two, three. Kendall: There are so pregnancies today. Nina: So many options available. We have hundreds of thousands of kids available in the U.S. that you can adopt. Kendall: There is a lot you can still do with your life. But there is lot you could do with your life. You could do a lot with other children. Nina: Right, this shouldn't be the only reason because if you don't have kids and you do good for the world if you donate money or philanthropies or you volunteer -- Kendall: Or you help children in orphan age, or you help handicapped children. Nina: -- or you do research for children, or some cancer treatment that -- Kendall: Save children. Nina: There is so many things that people do in their life that's so good. They shouldn't think that having kids is the only thing that's good in your life. Kendall: That's what I'm trying to say. Nina: So do as good for you. Kendall: Don't just define yourself by that. Nina: And nobody should dictate to you what you should do with your life. Kendall: Peace of mind! Nina: You decide that on your own. And whatever works for you, go for it. We'll be right back. Kendall: Peace of mind!