Threesomes As Marriage Therapy?

[Music Playing] Jennifer: Hi! We are back with Paul Carlson, who is a certified clinical hypno-therapist and life coach here in Dallas, Texas. Dan: So Paul you got mentioned the other day that some therapist will actually recommend that a couple bring in a third party into their relationship just to sort of spice up their sex life, we are talking threesomes here. Jennifer: Are we talking threesomes? Dan: I think we are talking threesomes? Would you elaborate on that. [Music Playing] Paul Carlson: I have to explain that is not a suggestion that we have been made to all couples, obviously, it depends on the couples. Most one on one relationships and this regardless of sexual orientation with other straight bisexual or gay. When you are in a relationship, one on one relationship, traditionally, again this is a generalization, generally the frequency of physical relationship or having sex goes down after they have been together for about seven to 10 years, a lot of reasons for this. You know a lot of them, they have children, well the kids are getting old enough you just cannot like close the door and go at it, you know, you got to wait until the kids are in bed and lock the door and put Vaseline on the hand do everything you can to have a little privacy [Laughter] Paul Carlson: Sorry, but the thing is that couples who are open and not the jealous type and a lot of people are the jealous type and that is okay too that is just part of the human experience. But if they are not the jealous type, they do not feel threaten by this. A lot of couples will find if they bring in a third person, after the seven to 10 years or 15 years or 20 years for just fun. Jennifer: It is not like a love or relationship, just to have fun and play. Paul Carlson: No, if they are not feeling threaten by it, it is a wonderful opportunity but what is really important here is honesty and talk, talk, talk, talk, talk and when you think you had it all talked out, talk some more, okay? Make sure that this is really what you want, make sure also that you agree on who this third piece person should be, should it be another male or should it be another female? And if so, are there limitations what should you do? What should you not do? Dan: Even in a couple? But she is expanding a little bit more. Paul Carlson: Yes, you could do couples, you can get in to the swinging and all the rest of that. But again, it depends on the tone of the individual so this is not something that would be broadly recommended but for some varieties, the spice of life, it kind of spices thing up. Another thing too is to spice up your relationships if going for a third person or a fourth person whatever, it is just not in the cards for you, is to do some role-playing. What trips you trigger, you know the guy comes in and you dressed like a construction worker or a cop, okay, the woman comes in and she is dressed like a nurse or a naughty little school girl, whatever trips you trigger is not hurting any body. It is just between the two of you, so do whatever is necessary but just remember, it is normal for after seven to 10 years, it is not that you are falling out of love with your partner, it is that it is getting old, it is getting a little stale so you got to do something to kind of mix it up and make it different. Jennifer: So does it mean your relationship is failing? Paul Carlson: No, not at all. Dan: And it does not have to be seven to 10 years if you just noticed that the excitement is starting weigh a bit you can add a little excitement, recharge the excitement. Paul Carlson: It can be after two years. Paul Carlson: Sure, but the thing here is honesty and good communication. [Music Playing] Paul Carlson: And as long as both of you agree, try ease in to [Muffled] feel bored just kind to ease in but give it a little test and see what you feel like, if any body starts feeling bad, then back off from it.