True Confessions: Under Stimulated and Overpaid
One of the best jobs I ever had, my best friend’s mother was like the CEO of some company and like a business plaza, so it was just pushed back whatever. It was not like a huge company and we got jobs just helping out for the summer and one of our jobs, it was like this medical company and one of our jobs was to call up different medical offices around the country and let them know about a seminar that our company was putting on. So there were all these different medical companies, did you know that in West Virginia, there is a Cock-I-Care Company. And there is also a gynecological center over the Virginias and like one typo on that letterhead and it would just be hilarious. And so we would call these different companies and because we had to call them all day and leave the same message, we decided to change it up and do different voices, so we call up with like a Southern accent or change our names or do like a British accent—and so one of the calls, we decided to try to make our voices sound automated, like it was a robot, so we were just like, “Hello, this is Eliza calling from Novo to invite you…” and it was going great until we called one company and I started laughing, so I called in like, “Hello, this is Eliza…” I just wanted to—heck! Pick up and call back, I am like, and say what? I am sorry, we are under stimulated and overpaid and we were trying to sound like robots! Why do not come to our seminar, it is super legit! Pass! Her mom was our boss, but we had a supervisor named Knowelle who was just like the epitome of white trash, just like, she always like laid outside and got tan because the sun is nature’s tanning, but her skin looked like a driving glove basically, like she was maybe like 28, but looked like she was about 900 years old and it was just like crypt keeper skin, stringy hair and just like burnt at the end from like waiting outside all the time. Her name was spelled Knowelle. Is that not East Texas exotic flavor that is so heavily sought after in the south. Notice how I said, “W”? She actually had a crush on this guy that worked for another company and when he would not date her, she spread a rumor that she died! Like what guy in the world would go, “It is a shame because I really wanted to hold on to that bacon.” By bacon, I mean her because that is what she looks like. What guy is going to go, “I missed my chance to date her. What a shame!” So she was crazy, but she asked me—I remember, I got fired. She asked me send a fax and I was like, no problem. I will totally stop making simple machines out of paper clips and rubber bands to do that for you. So I sent the fax. She comes in ten minutes later and she is like, “I want to know who here sent this 40-page blank fax.” And I was embarrassed because it was totally me and I was like, “I did because they said that they were out of paper.” So I was faxing them some! The security showed me out that day! I was, do not touch me, I can do it myself! I miss that job!