Co Dependency and Sex Addiction
On behalf of tvlesson.com, I'm Dr. Carol Clark, a sex therapist with drcarolclark.com. Let’s talk a little bit about what co-dependency is in regards to sex addiction. Co-dependence is when someone is involved with an addict. So they are co-dependent because both people have or wrapped up in that addiction. And in sex addiction, co-dependence often wants to say, “Wait a minute, I don’t have a problem. He has the problem. This has nothing to do with me. I want to be intimate. I want to be connected and I want to be good enough for him.”
But co-dependency is when the co-dependant, the person involved with the addict is actually trying to avoid their own pain. Avoid some issue from their own lives by focusing on the addict. And so their lives become wrapped up in what the addict is doing, what the addict is thinking. They can't have their own feelings or thoughts, because it’s all based on what is the addict going to think or do or say next. And as long as the co-dependant can point to the addict and say, “well, this is his problem. He has the problem. It’s nothing to do with me.” Then they don’t have to look at themselves.
And it’s not that the co-dependant is any way to blame for the addict’s behavior. She is not. But she does have something that drew her to the addict to begin with. Some underlying fear of intimacy even though consciously she says, I want to be intimate. But underneath unconsciously, there is some fear of intimacy that drew her to someone who had their own built-in fear of intimacy. And was putting off that vibe that no, you can come so close but no closer. There is something there that’s going to keep us a little bit apart. And that’s a little bit about co-dependency.
On behalf of tvlesson.com, this has been Dr. Carol Clark. Thank you for watching.
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