Understanding Elements of Relationship Readiness

Host: What are the important elements of relationship readiness?
Toni Coleman: Some of the important elements of relationship readiness are things like having resolved past conflicts or traumas, things from your perhaps childhood or young adulthood that could be still impacting you in here and now.
They will get in the way of having a healthy relationship. This would also include past relationships. If there somebody you really haven't gotten over. Someone that it continues to present a problem for you today because of the way you are feeling because of something that went on which you never dealt with, those kinds of things are important.
It’s also very important as part of relationship readiness to really have a sense of what it is that you must have in a relationship and what it is that you absolutely can't live without. And a lot of people make jokes about people that walk around with their made shopping lists and I am not really suggesting something that's specific. It's more the upper and the lower kind of parameters. The must haves and can't live with. And anything in between, you’re going to find depending on the individual is something that’s not a deal breaker. It's something that you can live with. So that's also very important to really know yourself.
Some of the other ones are things like really kind of having a handle on what your goals are and what it is that you want for your future, because when you are with somebody you got maybe some of the attraction pieces, the friendship pieces, but do you really want the same things? Are you really going to have very different lifestyle desires and choices? Perhaps one of you wants to live in the country and the other one wants to live in city or somebody is just has their heart set on having a big family and the other person really doesn't want parent or doesn't want children.
Now, those things are going to come up later in your relationship, but you really have to have some sense. You don't have to be hard and fast with it but some sense of how you feel about those kinds of things, because as you move through a relationship and you are talking about those kinds of things, it will help you asses is this, the person that I really can go all the way with.


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