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Do not hide anything from your baby. Excerpts from a different kind of relationship from an interview with Nancy Verrier by Marcy Axness. These are responses to the Nancy Verrier interview on Contemporary Open Adoption Issues.
Years ago, people would not tell children that they were adopted and so they would grow up sensing that something is terribly wrong.
And when they were told the truth, although it may have been interpreted as horrible truth and a terrible secret, it made sense. And it made their life make sense and it gave them an understanding of this terrible burden they were craving, like not feeling right about themselves.
So, the idea that telling the truth to an infant is going to put an idea in their mind is absurd. They were there, they know, they know on a very primal and instinctual level. All you are doing is telling them that the hurt they feel is real, which is what makes the same. It is what truly loving is affirming that person’s honest experience.
So, anything less than that is insane. Anything less than that is putting crazy ideas in their mind. Like they should be happy or they should not be sick, or they should not be feeling bad or they should be loving me more than their birth mom.
That is crazy and the baby does not understand that. So, it is exactly the opposite of putting awful ideas into his head.
And the other thing is, even if you do not believe. What harm would it do to try? If you do not believe the baby understands and hears, then it does not matter what you say, does it? But if there other chance I might be right. Then it may just reduce the level of pain that their infant is carrying.
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