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Jennifer: Hi, this question is from Stephanie in Pennsylvania.
Dear Dan and Jennifer, my husband and I have been together for eight years. We have a pretty good sex life. For the past year, we have been fighting about porn. See that validates my point. He sneaks off and watches it. I have tried to get into watch it with me hoping he will stop sneaking and lying about it. I have a low self esteem and it hurts, point number two. I wish he would share it with me. It is starting to cause a problem with our marriage, please help me.
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Dan: I am withholding, go ahead.
Jennifer: Okay. Go ahead. To sense, this is not about you. Okay the fact that he likes to watch porn and he likes to do it alone has nothing to do with you.
Dan: Not a damn thing.
Jennifer: If he enjoys watching porn alone so what let him okay?
Dan: Worst case that customers write us, really.
Jennifer: Yes and my thing is stop nagging him about it. If he is lying about to presume he does not feel safe being honest about it. I do not know what the story is but my too sense on this one are that it is not that you want him to watch porn with you but your are jealous because he is watching it without you and that is just the energies that I read off the question okay kind of the underlying current there. So ask yourself first, is it about watching porn together or is it about you keeping him from watching it without you.
Dan: Yes, girl if you want to fix this break out porn and the toys and lead by example.
Jennifer: Absolutely, yes, absolutely. You know
Dan: Seriously, all kidding aside, do you want to make it okay for him? Do you want make it so he does not feel like he has to go hide because we are getting, he feels he gets in trouble about it. And when man feels like he gets in trouble or he gets embarrassed by it, he is going to hide and go do it anyway.
Jennifer: Yes.
Dan: Never a good strategy okay? So seriously try watching porn yourself or some erotic movies yourself in front of him with him you know lead this activity do it together. You start it.
Jennifer: Do not make him do it with you.
Dan: Yes.
Jennifer: Just do it yourself when I do not know if you have kids or not but if the kids are out of their grandmas’ house flip on some porn, start enjoying it alone. I am sure he will join you. I do not doubt that for a minute.
Dan: Yes.
Jennifer: He will be there in 30 seconds.
Dan: Most tape away will be right all over that.
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