What Creates Enduring Friendships

"How do you discern between friendships, professional relationships and acquaintances? Doug: Well, I think friendships are kind of the first thing that you learn about in life, and I think it’s a lot about shared experience. And then that shared experience creates kind of a knowledge about that other person that allows you to relate, right? And that becomes an enduring idea, right? So I have friends that have known me throughout my career that can give me advice even if I haven’t seen them for six months. A business acquaintance or colleague is generally a relationship that is derived around a certain purpose – it’s transactional. Now I don’t think there’s anything preventing a business relationship from becoming friendship, but I think there has to be a conscious effort in a business relationship to get the desired end result, and for people to be concerned about each other’s time and respectful. You know there are people that own businesses that I am forced to work with, that I don’t necessarily like. So, I’m not going to share my personal life with them, but they might provide a service at a certain price, and I don’t think our world requires us to like each other or to be friends. I mean it’s not about liking someone; it’s just about how you spend your time. I mean, I think you’d rather spend time around people that support you, and then move you forward. And I think that’s what friends do. Friends are not a shoulder to cry on, they are people that can share your life with you. And that life has many ups, and it has many downs, and friends are there for that. Friendship is lasting; it is a long-term thing. And I think over time you may refine who are your friends and who are not your friends based on what the end product is. Because one of the things I try to do is measure, just my emotional state “Am I happier after hanging out with these people, or am I less happy?” And how much investment have I made, in friends, and then what do I get in return? Not in a, like, accounting kind of way, but just as like, a … I think everyone wants to be surrounded with people that are going to make their lives happier. And I haven’t ever consciously done it but as I’m beginning to get older – I’m 35 now – I’m starting to think, okay how much of my time do I spend with my family? I need to plan to hang out with my brother more. And of my friends that I really like, am I consciously inviting them to hang out more? And then, are there people in my business life that I want to convert from business to friendship? And what does that mean and what does that look like? And I think that’s an exercise that I’m going through now, because I have a smaller company. A lot of times when you’re in a larger workforce, there are people that become your friends out of shared experience because you have the same boss and you have the same frustrations and you have the same clients, and they may feel like friends at the time, and they may become friends if they last beyond that connection at that workplace. But I think that friends are more of a lasting thing, and it’s something that maybe gets edited over time, maybe sometimes if people move away it’s less convenient you spend less time, but when you reconnect with that person it seems like there’s a – there’s kind of this magic that happens between friends that really … I have childhood friends that I’ve met up with and we’ve had – we’ve had times where we haven’t talked for like four years, five years, just because career has taken over, and then I’ve reconnected and it’s been amazing. It’s been like time travel. You know, you can remember being a 12 year old, you know, running around riding bikes and that was the only concern. A friend can take you there, and I don’t think a business acquaintance can."