What To Do When Swinging Goes Wrong

Jennifer: This one is good. This is something interesting that we could do a whole series on if you guys help us out. We got this from the forums. Dan: How do they get to the forums? For them to participate. Jennifer: Oh, then tell them. Dan: You go to AskDanandJennifer.com, link at the top right, it says forums, and then under forums you go to the one that says swinging. So ensure you're swinging experiences then, I’ve got a wrong or right. Jennifer: I haven’t even introed that yet there. Why? Dan: Well, they saw the headline. Jennifer: Nobody saw anything, jumping the gun, I swear. He’s hungry, this is our last question before lunch. Dan: I just need my drink refill. Jennifer: I need more drink. Before than withers away from thirst and starvation— Dan: Lack of Vodka. Jennifer: This is a first episode and I hope we get to do a lot more of these, when swinging goes wrong. Right, okay, here's the scenario, okay and this one a little different from a question, we’re going to give you a scenario and tell you how they could’ve avoid this situation and fix it and all kinds of stuff. Dan: And there is—and I mentioned the forums is because this was shared by one of the great—really cool folks, that’s a very active member in our forums. Jennifer: Okay, ready? Dan: Yeah! Jennifer: Okay, so, introduced, two virgins swinger couples. Couple one had both been with other people before they got married and all that stuff, right. Couple two had never been with anyone else, however they're a little into rough sex as they said, right. Well, couple number one thought that, “Well, you know, we like it a little rough too from time to time.” Dan: Why not. Jennifer: So after a few drinks and orders, right, they were off to there separate rooms to play, so they thought. It turns out that couple two enjoyed very rough sex, BDSM to the point of them enjoying blood being drawn. Dan: Oh my. Jennifer: Couple two had a very different idea of rough sex. They're probably, you know, some gentle spanking or something right. Dan: Just fuzzy cuffs. Jennifer: And they ended up leaving this whole scenario feeling more like they had been raped and abused and the girl didn’t even want to talk about it until a few hours after they got home. So what went wrong? Where did this episode of swinging gone wrong, got wrong? Dan: I’m sorry. The thing that really sort of rubs me wrong if you will on this one is this whole meeting somebody new, not really understanding their kinks, you know, obviously we’ve all got kinks. Jennifer: They’re both new, they'd never done it. Dan: They are so new to each other that, you know, this would never happen if you're familiar with whom you're playing with. And you know what they like, what they don’t, what their boundaries, what their limits are and you have got a good feel for them. Jennifer: Too much, too fast. Dan: Too much, too fast. I can’t say this enough. Guys, the whole swinging business, I just think that a lot of the problems could be avoided if people look at it as friends with benefits. Get to know these folks before you jump in a bed with them. Jennifer: Yeah! And look, we’re all about talk before, during and after and like Dan said, before. And then before of this situation, had they taken the time to get this other couple just a little bit more, they—you know, I mean, come on, if somebody tells you they're into rough sex, my first question is really, what kind of rough sex? Dan: Yeah! What turns you on? Jennifer: What do you guys like to do? Dan: Oh, like blood and stuff, oh, wait, hold that thought, I’m not there. Jennifer: I can’t believe nobody asked that question. Dan: Yeah! Jennifer: So what is rough sex mean to you? What do you like to do? Dan: That would be my first question. You know, you're talking about, you know, fuzzy cuffs. You're talking about the steel cuffs, what are we talking about? What's the level? You’ve got to get that baseline going on, talk. Jennifer: Yeah! Talk. So during, okay, excuse me, since you know, dude, stop, that hurts. I’m sorry, if I were in a situation like that, I would be like, “Please stop. That hurts.” And if they didn’t I would probably punch them and leave and call 911. I mean, come on. Dan: I’d have something to say about it too. Jennifer: Because it doesn’t sound like this was that kind of a situation. I mean, everybody kind of do their thing, they got back together and nobody said anything, they went home. Dan: But they felt something awkward about. You know, if you let stuff go on and you let it get awkward, then it just gets more and more awkward. So, you know, this is what we’re talking about. During this thing you're having, so even when a couple, you know, you're having sex and somebody starts feeling really uncomfortable, just a one on one couple, if somebody’s really uncomfortable, what's going on— Jennifer: They should say, stop. Dan: Yeah! And literally, stop. Jennifer: Wait, we’re in a BDSM situation. There was not even any talk about safe words there. Dan: Where's the safe word, you know? Jennifer: Yeah! Dan: Is it yellow, is it kitten. Jennifer: And the other thing too, they were both new swinger couples, I don’t—personally, this is just me and other people like, I don’t think they're going up to separate rooms like that with people you don’t even know is a good idea. I know Dan would never leave me alone with a man that he didn’t know. Dan: I don’t think so. Jennifer: I mean whether sex is involved or anything else. Dan: Exactly. I mean, it’s not an older guy, no way in hell. Jennifer: That’s just not safe. You don’t know these people. Dan: Exactly. So be smart, be safe. That doesn’t just apply to safe sex. But you know who you're with, really. Jennifer: Yeah! That’s how this whole situation could’ve been avoided. Dan: So, more swinging gone wrong. I know other people out there have had swinging gone wrong experiences. Jennifer: You have stories. We want to hear the stories. Dan: Come on guys. We want to know it. Jennifer: Put them on the forums. Don’t leave them on Youtube. Go to the forums and put them there so that everybody can time in. Dan: I mean, you can definitely talk about this on Youtube. We definitely want to know what you think about our answer, you know, did they do it right, did they do wrong, what could they have done differently but, quick, go to the forums and put your forum, your story.