Hi, this is Francisco Bujan from VitalCoaching.com. We are talking about break ups for man and for woman. The topic for this video is what if your ex trash talks you. This is a question that was posted on my channel and the person is facing negative comments and lot of trash talk on the channel of her ex. I think it is her boyfriend, I think this is a woman. So, in that specific case what can you do? What can you do really if your ex is really talking to eventually your friends or to people you know at work or this kind of things that saying lots of negative things about you because he or she is pissed and really angry with you about the break up or about what ever happen in your relationship, so what can you do about it?
Well, my answer is quite simple and direct. One of the things that does not work I believe is to start some form of ongoing battle and start attacking him or her back systematically. When you enter to this kind of conflicting situation and end up fighting with your ex over and over again you end up putting lots of energy in to it and practically the other aspects of your life are going to suffer. So, what works best most of the time is to minimize the amount of time and energy you put in to it and you search conflict and focus rather on the positive rather on finding somebody new. Now, I just start putting less energy into this conflict eventually the other person will run out of energy and stop feeding that conflict.
This is in my opinion what works best. Now, what you can do for instance if your friends believe the other person you feel that they might have the tendency to believe this other person then you can talk to your friends one by one. You can really call them, you can say look I saw that in my ex is posting this negative comments, nasty comments I want you to know that this is not what I did and I have to go in court and call to let you understand that this is not the person I am, he is just saying negative things about me or totally lying about what happened. So, if you have a few friends or people in your life that you think would be influenced by these comments go and call them personally and tell them your version of the story.
This I think works really well because it will make you realize that people are not stupid right. They know that there was a break up and the one who really looks really bad very often are the one that keeps this kind of trash talk going on, he is the one who in shaky with that kind of behavior and very often people get already board with this kind of things, they think okay well, you have been living with the person and you end your relationship with that person for many years you loved him or her and now you are saying all this negative comments, all this negative stuff about him or her so what does it tell about you, right.
So, I think that very often when somebody does something again it is a sign of insecurity on their side. It is a sign that they are still angry or feels like there is something undigested in them that they want to get out. And, my advice is simply try not to feel it, do not feed into the fight or the argument. Maybe one thing that you can try as well is try to have a one time conversation with him. You call them, you say look we have been living together for a long time and I do not think that what you are saying is getting justice to the love and passion that we shared. I think it is a pity to finish it like that so if you can I would really appreciate you not saying these negative things about me and I will make sure that I do not say it either about you.
I do not think it is very nice to fight over this, I do not think it is wise to wash our dirty laundry in public like that. If you have anything to say, say it to me I will be happy to do something back and tell you what I feel about the situation without fighting. We do not have to fight any more; we are no longer in a relationship or a couple. So, this kind of things if you want to have a one time conversation with that person you can call them or initiate contact and see if they would respond. If they wanted to solve back in a diplomatic way, if they do not stop contacting them at all you delete any trace of their life of their presence in your life, emails, and etcetera.
And, after all that you simply stop contacting them, you stop feeding them because the time that you keep on feeding them of something that often to use them the energy to keep on going with this kind of nasty attitude.
Okay, I hope this make sense I know it is a challenge but good luck with that. Take care and goodbye.
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