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Jennifer: Hi! This question is from Melissa in New York.
Dear Dan and Jennifer:
We have been living together for three years and together for 3.6 years.
What is the deal with people and their decimal points today? 3.6 years? Sorry. Did not mean that Melissa, just interesting.
We were engage. He would do anything for me but at the same time he lies like a dog. He lies about money and work. He is not a good provider. I can even work because he cannot afford his own car and uses mine. He would rather be the one working. What do you do when you both love each other but your partner cannot tell you the truth about money things? How can I get him to understand that he needs to be honest about money and work?
Please help. I need to make a decision fast before I marry into a problem that cannot be fixed.
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Dan: Wow! That last in into such a warning thing. That is tough bell is all over the place. I got to get married really quick but -- it is okay? I am sorry.
In Jennifer, we may slightly disagree on this one. I dump his ass. I am sorry. I expect honesty from a relationships, I do.
And you know that the person maybe great in all kind of ways but if this person cannot be honest with you and you are looking to make a lifetime commit me with this person? That is just seemed like a really bad idea.
Jennifer: It can be a bad idea and I do have a slightly twicks approach to it because I believe that honesty is a two way straight. I think that most people lie when they do not feel safe telling the truth. So you know, it maybe from childhood issues, it maybe you, it may not be. Do you jump down his throat and right this up? Please excuse my language. Every time he tells you something that you do not want to hear.
So you know my question for you is, are you craving an environment where he can be honest with you? And the other thing is you are even thinking about marrying this guy because honesty is critical in a long term relationship. So, go to premarital couples counseling. Work through the honesty issues before you get married, okay? And where I do agree with that is do not marry him if he keeps lying to you.
Dan: Yes, if he go to see a house and it is kind of you know screwed up, we want to get it fix before you move in, right? [Laughing]
Seriously, you cannot expect to get attitude to change a person, he will change if he is ready, so beware.
Jennifer: Yes and do not marry him if he does not...
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