Why Are Men So Afraid of I Love You

Female Speaker: Hi! We are back again with our good friend Paul Carlson. He is a Live Coach here in Dallas, Texas. And over the next few videos we're actually going to try to answer some of your toughest questions in a way that is non-judgmental, and just kind of our normal -- how do I want to say it, the way that only we can do it. Male Speaker: Yeah that works. Female Speaker: Okay, here's the question. Why are men so afraid of three little words, I Love You? These little words start fear in the hearts of men everywhere. Paul, why? Paul Carlson: Commitment; I think they are just -- once you've made that commitment it's hard to back off of it without really hurting somebody's feelings. I think a lot of people, lot of men are actually pretty sensitive and they don't want to say that must they really mean that. And a lot of men just aren't really in touch with their feelings. They don't really know for sure if they feel that they are in love. I mean what is love feel like. What is love? Most people don't know. So how can you sit there and say, oh, I love you if you don't know exactly what that means. Female Speaker: So why is that women then are in such a hurry to hear it than to say it. It's like men don't want to and women are like, you haven't told me I love you yet. Paul Carlson: Again I think it goes back to feelings. Women are very in touch with their feelings at least most women are. And men are taught from the time they are little boys to shut down those feelings. Little boys that are five, six-years-old, they cry over something and mom or dad or both are on them like a duck on a June bug saying, oh, you can't do that anymore. You are going to be -- somebody is going to say you are a little sissy or whatever and so men shut down. And then so when it comes into this relationship, it's just kind of hard to let go of all that lifelong programming. I mean, if they are 20-years-old let's say and they were shut down in their five they have had three quarters of their lifetime being shut down. And look at what boys go through in high school. Male Speaker: To show any feelings at all, sissy boy! They make fun of all their work, yeah, really. Female Speaker: They are girly men. Male Speaker: Girly men! Strikes again. Paul Carlson: So I understand the conflict here, but I think it's really hard for a lot of men to just let go and show that vulnerability. Men are taught to be strong. And even strong men you don't show any vulnerability even if you are scared crapulous, you don't show that vulnerability. Male Speaker: So it's about putting out that facade of strength and uncaring and no vulnerability, no emotion. Paul Carlson: Right, and also what will she think of him if he shows that he is vulnerable and he is not the strong one. But there are some women that want a very strong type of partner. So it's like sometimes -- Female Speaker: I said some us require one.