Hi this is Dr. Diana Kirschner with ask Your Tango answering your dating and relationship questions. Today’s question is from kindarosie. Do I listen to my heart or my brain?
We live 3000 miles apart. If I live where he is I will have nothing. He doesn’t want to leave the state where his family is to come live with me where there are job opportunities. He’s saying that if I don’t come stay with him, it’s going to be over. Do I listen to my heart or do I listen to my brain?
The thing is if he is asking you to give up absolutely everything and come stay with him, the question is what is he willing to provide? Is he going to help you make that move? Is he going to support you financially while you look for a job? Is he going to be totally there for you because he’s asking you to give up a lot?
And in terms of creating a lasting relationship, you need to go into it in a such a way that you’re using your brain and your heart. There is a way in which a lasting relationship is like a contract and it’s a win-win contract if it’s a healthy relationship. That means that it’s not like one person is giving up everything all the time for the other.
Instead, the people learn how to work together and when one is giving up a lot, the other one pulls the weight and supports them, and vice versa. So that is the question to ask him. If you’re going to be giving up all these, what is he willing to provide? And that’s going to tell a lot. That’s going to tell you a lot about his caring for you, his devotion to you, and how he sees this relationship.
Got a question? You want answer? Go to YourTango.com/questions.
Transcription by:
Scribe4you Transcription Services