Why Some People Have Trouble Reaching Orgasms

Jennifer: Hi, we are back again with our good friend Paul Carlson who is a Life Coach here in Dallas Texas. Over the next few videos, we are actually going to try to answer some of your toughest questions in a way that is not that judgmental, and just kind of our normal - how do I want to say it. The way that only we can do it. Dan: Yeah, that works. Now, we have an admission to make. We are trying to tell you guys, we don't actually tell Paul ahead of time what we are going to ask him live on the show. So he gets then surprised like the last one we did. Jennifer: It's been that really don't forth so far-- Dan: Oh yeah. Better than we expected. Like this one for example, we get lots of questions from women who have difficulty having orgasm with their partners. It's amazing, how many women have difficulty achieving an orgasm? I mean, how many sent us email saying, I have never had an orgasm. What does that feel like? How do I know if I have had one? I think you'd know. You would know. So this is from a guy and which is very interesting. This is from a guy with the similar issue, it's a bit of a twist on that. This is from Kylo in Illinois and he says, "I love my girlfriend to depth, but, when she gives me a handjob or a blow job, I can't come. She thinks it's her, but I try and tell her that it's my problem, but she still blames herself. I don't know if I am thinking about it too much, or what else. Please help". There is bit of a twist in the situation. He is not able to do it, and she thinks it's her fault. Paul, what you say the issue is there? Paul Carlson: I would say, in my experience in the past that these kinds of issues come about from prior condition usually from childhood. We hear about women much more often not being able to obtain orgasm. Actually about 30% of the adult women in the United States have never had an orgasm. Part of it can be physiological. A lot of times women that are very thin have problems with orgasms, and has to do with the physiology of just being too thin. Jennifer: I didn't know that. That's interesting! Paul Carlson: A lot of it is prior conditioning, when girls are little children, especially in prior generations, not so much now. If a little girl touched herself, the mother said, Oh! That's dirty, don't do. You know, all this crap and all this guilty stuff. You need to put effort to control their sexuality. The same thing happens with little boys however. Little boys playing with themselves which is normal, okay? We are human, okay? You don't believe this is just normal mammal behavior, go to the monkey cage at the zoo -- Dan: And that's what he is doing right there -- Paul Carlson: The bottom-line is that the little kid comes in, maybe he is masturbating and mom catches him, and reason of act or just even worse, walks out in anger and never -- Dan: It's bad, it's dirty. Paul Carlson: So he is no longer loved and accepted by mom. So if all of a sudden, he does something to pleasure himself, even though it's in the subconscious. Now, it's not in the part where he is consciously aware of what's going on in terms of these old memories, they are like hidden deep. That's what's causing this blockage. He could probably bring himself to orgasm, but not with someone else there because -- Dan: Maybe mom walked in at the wrong moment and -- Paul Carlson: Yeah, or dad, or brother, or whoever, sister. Dan: Shame on you, dirty thing. Paul Carlson: So it's prior conditioning. In this kind of a situation, these things are fixable, this is not a major problem. You need to go get there, you find yourself a good therapist, whatever kind you feel is the right one for you, whether you go to a psychologist or an alternative therapist whatever. Go get some help because this is not a major issue. This can be worked through. You don't need to suffer the rest of your life. But again, please do make sure that your girlfriend receives this sort of thing. So it's not about that. If you can't orgasm, this is never about the other person. Well, obviously never. Dan: It's always about an email.