Jennifer: Okay, I don't know about you guys, but I am sick and tired of watching cartoon characters put on condoms. I am sick and tired of watching condoms being put on bananas, okay? Wouldn't it be nice if someone would actually show you how to do it?
Dan: Stay tuned to watch how to go and show you how to put on a condom.
Jennifer: For real.
Dan: For real. Okay, before you put a condom on, a couple of quick points you have got to know. What you do before you put a condom on? What you have to know at least. Store them in a cool, dry place away from the sun or lots of body heat. If you are sitting on it for two years hoping you will get some, it's not good for you.
Jennifer: Your glove box in your car, not a cool, dry place.
Dan: I know you are thinking but it's better than not having one. Yeah, by bet 11%. These things weren't made that way. They are temperature sensitive and they are also -- they will like expire, speaking of keeping one of their glove box for three years, or one in your wallet for four years, hoping you get some. It just doesn't last that long, check the expiration date.
Jennifer: Yeah. If you open a condom and the lube is dried up and flaky, or if it seems a little stiff and it doesn't want to unroll, dude, get a new one. It's okay.
Dan: Or if it's completely hard than hold.
Jennifer: If it crumbles apart when you open the package, it's not neat as anymore.
Dan: Just a bit.
Jennifer: Sorry. You guys -- we haven't done our live show in a while, but we had these little baby puppies the last time we did a live show. Let's just say --
Dan: They are about this little.
Jennifer: Under the table at this point, the entire table.
Dan: Oh! God, I love him. He is so cute, he is sleeping. They just want to be with you. Okay. So anyway, know where your hands have been. If you touch your penis and you are getting the fluid on your hand, don't put on the outside of the condom because again, you are trying to keep that away from her, so you don't get her pregnant or --
Jennifer: Remember, the live ammo in the pipe, okay? It can get on your hands, it can get on your condom, it can get inside, and some by miraculous conception, sometimes it even finds its way all the way.
Dan: Exactly. It makes that noise every time, exactly. Do not reuse condoms. I know that it seems real basic, but don't reuse that. And if you are having sex, don't reuse it different times. If you have put it in one hole, don't put it in another.
Jennifer: You can't go front to back, back to front. You can go front to back, but you can't go back to front; bacteria, germs.
Dan: And not just doing germs, they can actually make you -- anyway and do bad things. So that's what you got to know. Now, for the fun stuff.
Jennifer: The fun stuff.
Dan: Jennifer, tell us how do we put on a condom?
Jennifer: Okay. Again, we've got to say thanks to our friends at racy.com, everything we are going to use to demonstrate the full thing they've sent over and it's really awesome. Okay, we've talked about; we can't use the real thing guys. We can't, because this is technically a PG-13 show. We will see if it stays that way, but I think it will, okay.
Dan: Try to get pass the sexophobia because folks, you should know how to put on a condom, don't?
Jennifer: Our friend Gracy and Leila are sense of it, okay, this is the most mundane device we could find besides a banana. Okay?
Dan: And actually this is one of the best devices out there.
Jennifer: The banana has been overused. In another video, we will tell you why this is like our favorite sex toy. It's so awesome, okay? Good friends. So we have got Leila helping us out, which one is this one?
Dan: This is our friend Leila.
Jennifer: No, which one though? Do you know which one is this, and I don't? Leila is the company.
Dan: Oh, this is the fancier one. It's a nicer one. It's the more expensive one.
Jennifer: Okay, and for our demonstration, we are going to be using Maximus lube, our absolute favorite.
Dan: For many reasons which you are going to see in detail in the luber port that we are doing next.
Jennifer: Okay. You read, I will do, or do you want to do and I will read?
Dan: They want to see you doing. They don't want to see -- come on. Alright, we are going to use one of our flavored condoms.
Jennifer: Okay. So do you want to read the steps?
Dan: Yes.
Jennifer: Step one.
Dan: Step one, gently.
Jennifer: Gently, don't use your teeth. If you've watched my last video, I didn't use my teeth.
Dan: Excuse me, I was here too. I know all the guys didn't know that but I was here too in our last video.
Jennifer: Boys, what is the deal? Okay, take the condom out of the packet and we don't like the plain latex ones. This one is cola. Smells like coca-cola almost. Okay, much better than latex.
Dan: I prefer strawberry. But anyway, much better than latex, we like the big flavor that you can see in the other video how to buy a condom.
Jennifer: So for additional comfort, put a tiny drop of lube in there.
Dan: Wow, a squeeze pump, one of the many reasons we like that particular one.
Jennifer: Just put a little drop and --
Dan: If not circumcised, pull back the foreskin before rolling on.
Jennifer: This guy doesn't have any --
Dan: Our friend Leila is circumcised.
Jennifer: And it also helps if you put a little bit on your fingers.
Dan: I am going to break a little bit.
Jennifer: Okay. Ready, so we are going to pull back if we need to.
Dan: Place the rolled condom over the tip of the hard penis leaving an half inch space at the tip. A lot of guys, you'll realize this, you are going to make a bit of a mess in there and --
Jennifer: It has to have a place to go. Don't pull it down too tight otherwise it doesn't have a place to go.
Dan: Seriously guys, yeah.
Jennifer: Okay.
Dan: Pinch the air out of the tip of the condom as air bubbles may cause the condom to break. You don't want it to break at the tip.
Jennifer: Pinch, no air.
Dan: Step Five. Unroll the condom over the penis with the other hand all the way down to the base and smooth out any air bubbles.
Jennifer: No air bubbles, okay?
Dan: I may seriously need a break watching you do this.
Jennifer: This is instructional, okay? Instructional.
Dan: Sorry, it was just getting me excited.
Jennifer: That's it, right? Done.
Dan: That's it guys. This is really simple, but a lot of folks, I realize the very basic thing. You can't put your hands on it first, and then put your hand on the outside because she is going to get pregnant anyway, maybe.
Jennifer: Maybe.
Dan: Maybe, you don't want a kid unless you do. But, a lot of folks are hoping for recreational sex, I love my recreational sex. I don't want nobody getting pregnant.
Jennifer: Thank you. We have two, that's enough. So now, we are here, we had our fun. What are we going to do now?
Dan: Smoke a cigarette. Well, I don't smoke.
Jennifer: Okay, we are ready. How do we take it off? One of the biggest problems, that's a good one here. We can demonstrate that actually.
Dan: Putting condoms on inside out.
Jennifer: Well we have grape for this demonstration. Look guys, okay. It should roll. If it doesn't roll, if you are like this then it won't roll down. It's wrong side up.
Dan: That often happens especially in low light situations.
Jennifer: Okay, what's the next one?
Dan: Yes, it takes a little bit of light typically to see because again, if you are feeling it up too much, you maybe getting something on the wrong side of it that can be on that side. So if you put one tip on you, and it won't roll out, throw it out, next condom. It's worth the extra there.
Jennifer: If you go the wrong way, you are in trouble, because whatever is on the tip of your penis is going to get on there, and then you are going to flip it over, and you are going to put that in her.
Dan: Do you know how much college is going to cost for your kid in 20years?
Jennifer: Oh! This smells good. Oh! Smell that, that's good.
Dan: Seven sense, way less than what's going to cost for your kid if you do it wrong. Using too large a condom --
Jennifer: Oh! We can actually demonstrate that.
Dan: I know, you are thinking, for me, it's my firs
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